


The Single Witch's To Do List

by ruedesviolettes



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Marauders' Era, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-30
Updated: 2013-01-16
Packaged: 2017-11-23 00:08:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/615894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruedesviolettes/pseuds/ruedesviolettes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lily Evans has never been single... until Bertram dumps her.</p>
<p>Now, after copious amounts of firewhiskey, she has created a list to help her navigate the tricky waters of singledom. With help from her two best friends, she is going to complete her list and learn what it means to be a single seventh-year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry or die in the attempt.  </p>
<p>Nothing could possibly go wrong, could it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

“I bet you never thought you’d be doing this six years ago, when you received your Hogwarts letter.” Remus sighs and flicks his wand again.

“Well, no, not really.” I answer and mimic his action.

As usual, this was the work of Greta Catchlove. In an attempt to better Hogwarts (read: become Head Girl) Greta had put together a ‘teensy little publication’ that detailed how to catch the Hogwarts Express safely. The fact that every single student had already caught the Express to school was apparently irrelevant. As Remus and I duplicate the notice for each dormitory, the laughing face of Greta simpers up at me from her by-line. 

“Lillian, darling, how is it going?” Greta crosses the room daintily and snatches up one of the pieces of parchment, “Are you nearly done?”

I want to scream that my name isn’t Lillian but instead I bite my tongue and smile politely.

“Another five minutes I think.” I reply and continue flicking my wand.

“You angel, and if you wouldn’t mind just putting them up around the school that would be wonderful.” She blows me a kiss and walks away, leaving Remus and I to our work. 

I look despairingly at Remus who just shakes his head. Whilst Greta spends her time thinking up these ‘wonderful’ ideas, she had yet to actually implement any of them. That job was usually left to me as Greta has decided that my role was to put in place all her ideas this year. When she became Head Girl next year, I was going to strangle her. 

“You don’t have to help Remus, it’s me she asked to do it.” I sigh, the monotony of the task increasing with each wand flick, “It’s a bloody stupid idea in the first place.” 

“Whilst I agree with you, I’m not leaving you to do this alone on the last day of school, Lily. Besides she’s probably attached to James’ side by now and I’d rather not see her face again today.” Remus laughs at me, stopping the duplication to pat me on the shoulder.

“What on earth Potter sees in her is beyond me.” I giggle, “Imagine waking up to that everyday…”

I gesture to the parchment with Greta’s moving picture just as she points her finger at me with gusto before smiling and flicking her hair. Remus and I burst into laughter before finishing the final few notices. 

“I guess we’d better go and put these up.” Remus grabs a stack of parchment but I stop him.

“Depulso.” I mutter at one pile of parchment and it goes whizzing off to the Slytherin dorm.

Repeating the charm three times, the parchment pile has completely disappeared and Remus’ mouth is hanging open. 

“What? You think this is the first time I’ve had to put up her ‘publications’ around school…” I grin.

“Excellent use of the Banishing Charm, Miss Evans. 10 points to Gryffindor, I think.” Professor McGonagall walks up behind me and I jump at the sound of her voice.

“Thank you, Professor.” I squeak and Remus starts to chuckle.

“I am very impressed at your dedication, Miss Evans… very impressed indeed. Though the subject matter is, perhaps, a little excessive I am sure Miss Catchlove is grateful for prefects like Remus and yourself. Enjoy your holiday.” McGonagall nods to Remus and I.

The sharp, staccato tap of her heels sounds throughout the Great Hall and I turn to face Remus, “ Ready to go and catch the train?” 

Together we climb the stairs to Gryffindor common room, chatting about our summer plans. After a year of preparing for NEWTS and pandering to Greta Catchlove’s every desire, my summer plans are very simple. I plan to sleep a lot, eat a lot, make the occasional journey to Diagon Alley to meet Alice and Benjy, and watch a lot of TV, preferably with my boyfriend Bertram. Yes, I know how insanely boring that sounds but after the year I’ve had I can’t wait to just relax and listen to Fleetwood Mac on repeat. 

“…We’ll probably be over at James’ house for most of the holiday, since Sirius is staying with him now.” Remus finishes as we clamber through the portrait hole and I reach my arms round him for a hug.

“Have a lovely holiday.” I tell him and he hugs me back.

“I’ll send you an owl or two.” He winks at me before striding off to sit with the Marauders and Greta, who is perched on the arm of James’ chair. 

“Oi, Lils!” Comes a shout and I whip my head round to see the advancing form of my best friend Alice Hamilton, my other best friend trailing behind.

“Why’d you leave me with her.” Benjy grumbles, “As if I had to spend my last hours as a sixth-year in her company.”

Alice hits him lightly before grabbing me and dragging me to where our luggage is stacked, “Did you finally finish that witch’s dirty work?”

I nod and roll my eyes, “I can’t wait ‘til next year when I’m the Head Girl’s lackey…”

“Do you really think she’ll get it?” Asks Benjy and Alice looks at him disparagingly.

“Oh come off it, Benjy, she’s spent all year creating stupid safety campaigns that poor Lils has to carry out just to impress the teachers. They love that sort of stuff.” 

We all grab our trunks and begin hauling them down the stairs. Alice, as always, has found some nice boy to carry them for her. Poor fourth year Reg Cattermole is struggling with two trunks whilst Alice saunters along with us. 

Alice, Benjy and I have been friends since first year, when we were all sorted into Gryffindor House. Alice and I bonded immediately in our dorm as the other three girls somewhat snobbish about my parents, whereas Alice had a fierce love for the underdogs in life. We quickly accepted Benjy, never Benjamin, into our group after the first week when we shared a table in Herbology. He was put in a dorm with Potter, Black, Lupin and Pettigrew but although they seemed to get along amicably, Benjy never quite fitted in with their ‘marauding’ activities. It wasn’t until fourth year, when we realised that the opposite sex weren’t disgusting, that we fully understood Benjy. It was Easter term, otherwise known as ‘embarrassing-never-to-be-spoken-of crush term’, where Alice had a crush on Potter, I had a crush on Remus and Benjy, to our surprise, had a crush on Sirius Black. Thankfully that period in our lives is over or prefect duties would be incredibly awkward. 

As we make it to the platform, I catch sight of my other close friend, Frank Longbottom. 

“Wait here a second.” I tell my friends before diving across the sea of people to get to Frank.

“Longbottom!” I shout, “Wait up!”

Frank was head boy this year so today is his last day at Hogwarts. A serial player, Frank has dated or otherwise been seen with the majority of the seventh year girls as well as some of the girls in my year. Frank’s the closest thing I have to a brother; vetting my boyfriends and teasing me about my clothes.

“Well, if it isn’t Lily Evans.” He smiles at me, ‘Where’s that lovely friend of yours?” 

“Oh you mean Benjy? Right over there.” I smile blithely and he rolls his eyes.

This is what you get for having an attractive best friend. Alice has a round face, which she constantly moans about but coupled with masses of wavy black hair and almost-bright blue eyes, you can barely tell. Plus she has amazing cleavage which, next to flat-chested me, only enhances her figure to boys. Frank’s been after her for a while and I know she likes him too but I’m not going to let him break her heart. I’ve made her promise not to date him. 

“Oh Lils, I’m going to miss you.” He grins and pulls me into a huge bear hug, “Owl me a lot won’t you?” 

I kiss him lightly on the cheek before waving and picking my way through the students thronging the station.

“That boy really is fit, you know…” Alice drools as I reach them again.

“Please don’t, it’d be like you dating my brother…” I groan and start walking to the train. 

“Off to see lover boy?” Benjy teases and I roll my eyes at him.

“As a matter of fact, I am meeting Bertram. I’ll see you all a little later.” I throw my trunk into the luggage cart and search for Bertram’s carriage, leaving Alice and Benjy to their wolf whistles and snide comments.

Bertram and I have been dating since the last term of fifth year. I met him whilst at the Slug Club; a gathering which Professor Slughorn throws for selected students. Bertram’s Grandfather invented the Confusing and Befuddlement Draught meaning that Bertram was a Slug Club perennial. He asked me out to Hogsmeade and we’ve been dating ever since. 

Passing the toilet, I stop by and stare at my reflection in the mirror. My waist-length hair, which is unfortunately decidedly ginger, is a little greasy and piled in a huge topknot on my head. My skin is slightly grey and tired-looking since I’ve been up all morning running after Greta. My ripped jeans are a little too ripped and worn to be considered fashionable and my sweatshirt, already an unflattering yellow-green colour, has splotches of ink on the cuffs. I smile at the mirror – Lily ‘Sexpot’ Evans. The truth is that when you have a best mate like Alice, who shops like it’s an Olympic sport, fashion can get boring. Plus with classes, homework, tutoring, prefect duties as well as little ‘publications’, it’s not as if my appearance takes presidence over day-to-day life. I’m not Potter, obsessed with my hair!

I wash my hands and splash my face a little before walking down the hallway, still searching for Bertram. Finally, I find him sat in a carriage on his own.

“Hey!” I smile at him, “Finally found you then.” 

“Hi Lily.” He smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

I flop down on the seat across from him and sigh. To be honest, I’m bloody knackered and the last thing I want to do is have to cheer up Bertram. 

“Hey Lils, you want to do something tonight?” Bertram asks suddenly, “You know hit ‘The Green Man’ or go out to the… cinema… isn’t it?”

“Bertram, I’m knackered, I’ve been running after first years all day and helping Greta. How about a takeaway instead?” I placate him, not wanting to say that I really just want to crawl into bed.

His face takes on a set look, somewhere between stubbornness and irritability, “Lily, I’ve been thinking… maybe it’s time for a break.” 

“Oh, that would be lovely, get away from Petunia for a bit! How about the Peak District?” I suggest but Bertram shakes his head.

“Yeah.” He sighs and looks out the window, “No. I mean take a break… from like us.”

“A break?” I demand.

The amount of interest he’s displaying towards the window there must be a cow indulging in a bit of Highland dancing out there. 

“You’re dumping me?” I whisper.

“No, it’s a break. Completely different.” He attempts to touch my arm but I shake him off.

“I dunno. Sounds like I’m being dumped to me…” I whimper, tears forming in my eyes and he shakes his head, exasperated.

“Oh come on Lils, you know I hate it when you go all dramatic.” He starts crossly, “I can’t talk to you like this.” 

He stands up and exits the carriage quickly but not before I ask him one last question.

“Is it because I want a takeaway?” I stutter, tears running unchecked down my face as I watch him stop for a second before carrying on. The carriage door slammed and I hugged my knees to my chest as my perfect summer sailed away like the scenery outside. 

He was gone.


	2. The Evening Film on BBC 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily and her friends have a plan for every eventuality. That plan can be summed up in one word: Pub.

It had been 8 weeks since Bertram and I started this ‘break’ business. Luckily for me, Alice and Benjy had been searching for me when they happened across Bertram sat with his Ravenclaw friends. Unfortunately for them, I had entered the hysterical, gasping for breath stage of crying so it took half the journey just to calm me into the still-hiccoughing but slightly coherent stage. 

Once they found out about ‘the break’, Alice immediately offered to go and hex him whilst Benjy wanted to curse his bollocks off but I put a stop to the insanity. Together, they cast a half-decent disillusionment charm on me, allowing me to reach the toilet and make myself vaguely presentable. Then, we all sat in the carriage, gorging ourselves on chocolate frogs and taking turns to insult Bertram, though mine were decidedly weaker than theirs. From there I apparated straight home with Alice and Benjy, before we all collapsed on my sofa.

Life was somewhat complicated for me at home. Just after Christmas in fifth year, my parents had been involved in a car crash. I flooed straight to St Bartholomew’s once I heard but they were killed on impact. I still dream about rushing into the hospital, watching Petunia scream at me to wake them up, to use my magic, and knowing that I could do nothing. From then on, Petunia disowned me, blaming me for the deaths of our parents. She was 18 and legally my guardian but she soon moved in with her oaf of a boyfriend and left me half the inheritance to do with what I wanted. I bought a shoebox of a flat in a not very nice area of London and I’ve lived there ever since. Benjy and Alice love it but I’d like nothing better than to live in a big family house again, with an actual garden and more than one bedroom. 

I’ve spent my holiday reading old copies of Sugar and Just 17, eating way too much chocolate and watching old 50’s black and white musicals that are guaranteed a happy ending. It’s one week to Hogwarts and I’m determined to get off the sofa and win my man back, just like Judy or Marilyn. Or rather, Alice and Benjy are determined I get off the sofa lest my arse has made a permanent hole in it. 

“Right, Lily, we’re off to ‘The Green Man’ tonight.” Benjy dictates, “Go and wash your hair.”

He drags me off to the bathroom and throws me into the shower before retreating quickly. Benjy has an absurd fear of the female body, running at the first sign of Alice or I stripping. After finally, dealing with my ridiculously long hair, I return with it wrapped in a towel to see Alice rummaging through my closet. 

“Do you have anything that’s not ripped jeans and a black smock top?” She tuts whilst I mutter defensively about the comfort of smock tops, “Haven’t you heard of hotpants?”

I shudder violently that the thought of baring my legs whilst she throws the least ripped jeans and a green smock top that I bought once but have never worn at me. 

An hour later and I’m ensconced at the pub with Alice, Benjy and Frank, watching Alice flirt wildly with Frank whilst keeping any eye on the door.

“You’re sure he’s going to come in?” I ask for the seventh time and Benjy pats my hand before steering me to talk of his ex-boyfriend.

“So Caradoc called.” He told me, “He wants to meet up again.”

I immediately turn to look at him, “You’re not going to say yes?”

Caradoc cheated on him this year and left Benjy absolutely heart-broken. Since then Alice and I glare at the Hufflepuff each time we see him. 

Suddenly, I whip my head round to face the door as I see Bertram walk in. I try to catch his eye but he makes a bee-line to the table on the opposite side of the room to mine. 

“Show-time.” Alice whispers and I walk up to the bar to buy the next round of drinks. I sashay to the bar and lean suggestively on the counter, order the drinks before carrying them with a wiggle back to the table. 

“Sorry, Lils, no go.” Benjy tells me. 

We spend the whole evening sending me to buy drinks and breaking into faked raucous laughter. I even manage a slip where I fall in a semi-graceful manner but nothing manages to attract his attention. Eventually, he gets up to go outside and stand up, a little wobbly due to the many drinks I was sent to buy, and follow him. 

“Hey Bertram.” I call as I walk out of the pub.

“Lily?” He says, shocked, “What are you doing here?”

“I’ve been here all night… haven’t you seen me?” I ask him defensively. He had to be an obtuse idiot not to notice me all evening.

“Nah, how you doing?” Bertram asks whilst fishing a cigarette from his bag.

I look at him, confused, “You don’t smoke.”

“I do now.” He answers, eyes narrowed, and he lights the cigarette in a defiant manner.

“Right… look Bertram, this isn’t working.” I start and he huffs out a breath of smoke.

“Ok. Let’s just get it over with.” He hooks his arm over my shoulder and I instinctively relax into his grip. 

“Babe…”

Babe? He’d never called me babe before… 

“…I wanted to talk to you but everything I said sounded like some stupid chick flick …”

What was wrong with chick flick? A girl needs a bit of sappy conversation and happy ending in her life!

“I want to talk to you, Bertram, like I said this break thing is stupid. It’s over.”

He breathed out, “Oh Lily, I’m so glad you agree. Is there someone else?”

Someone else? What did he mean ‘someone else’? Didn’t he want to get back together with me? I know I’m not the prettiest girl, or the most exciting girl but I was his girlfriend! Unless he thought I meant….

“Wait, what?”

“Look, we’ve been going out for over a year and it’s been great, babe, but a year is a really long time. I don’t want to be on a break.” He looked at me pointedly and I stared back in confusion.

“Bertram, I don’t understand.” 

Out of the corner of my eye I can see Benjy and Frank leaning against the wall. At least Alice was still in the pub – oh no, wait, she’s walking towards me now.

“Bertram, I love you.” I say but there’s no reply. He drops his arm and shuffles a little away from me. 

“Thing is, Lily, I feel trapped. I don’t want my life to be nights in your flat and eating takeaway. I’m sick of it… of all of it…” He trails off and I realise what he’s getting at.

“…Of me?” No reply from Bertram, “You’re sick of me! Why? What did I do?”

“That’s the problem, you did nothing.” He looks at me awkwardly, “I’m so sorry but I don’t love you.”

With that one sentence my entire world comes crashing down. In some sort of daze I start to move forward, only realising when a car honks that I’ve tried to cross the road. I feel Benjy put his arms round my waist and pull me to the pavement, letting me sit on the kerb and cry into his shoulder. Behind me, Alice is yelling obscenities at him whilst Frank holds her back from hitting him. He pushes her towards me and as she reaches us, Benjy is preparing to side-apparate me back to the flat. The last think I see is Bertram lying at Frank’s feet, blood pouring from his nose whilst Frank stands over him clutching his fist. From then on, everything is blurred with tears.

*******************************************************************

“It’s been four days. This isn’t healthy.” I can hear muttering from the kitchen as I start to move from my bed. 

“Merlin, if I knew what a knob he’d be when she started dating him I would have steered her clear of him. We have to go to Hogwarts tomorrow…” 

I stumble out of my room and find Alice and Benjy making tea the muggle way in my kitchen. They both look at me with pity in their eyes. 

“How are you feeling, honey?” Benjy moves to hug me and I let myself be enveloped in his arms.

“He’s gone…” I mumble and Alice’s face softens. 

“I know, but you’ll get over it…” Benjy tells me and I don’t miss the look that passes between the two of them. 

“Right, sit down.” Alice commands and I flop onto the sofa, “ Drink this.”

I take the tea from her hand and gulp a huge mouthful before swallowing. My throat feels like it’s on fire as I gasp for breath.

“What the hell was in that?” I shriek.

“Oh, I put a bit of firewhiskey in there.” Alice smiles sweetly and Benjy cracks up laughing. We sit on the sofa, the bottle of firewhiskey between us and drink cup after cup of tea, each time with more firewhiskey. Soon, we have progressed to straight firewhiskey shots, playing ‘I have never’ and watching the evening film on BBC1. By 9 o’clock I am sat on the floor, head leaning on Alice’s knee and watching the world spin. 

“You know what,” I slur, “Being dumped is shit.”

“Cheers.” Alice and Benjy reply and we take another shot. 

“Merlin,” breathes Benjy after a minute, “Lily’s never been dumped before.”

“Lily, when were you last single?” Alice asks, taking a minute to try and remember the word single. 

“I dunno….” I shake my head slightly to try and clear it but only succeed in feeling worse, “Erm, third year. Yeah, in third year.”

“Circe, she’s right!” Benjy exclaims and sits up suddenly, “You went out in third year with Tilden Toots, he broke up with you on the train back and you met Muggle George on the platform. You stayed with him ‘til halfway through fourth year but broke up with him on New Year’s Eve and got with Wizard George at Jessie’s New Year Party. Then you broke up with Wizard George because he wouldn’t go with you to Slughorn’s and got with Bertram there. You haven’t been single!” 

After this revelation, Benjy promptly went to the toilet and threw up but Alice looks at me funnily.

“Jeez Lils, you work fast.” She giggles.

“I don’t know how to be single, Alice…” I tell her and her eyes light up. 

“Benjy, you alright?” She shouts, “Bring a quill with you on your way back!”

We sit, watching Top of the Pops idly, until, Benny returns looking much better and bearing a quill and parchment.

“Lily Evans, we are going to make you a list to help you be single.” Alice demands, “Benjy, you write.” 

‘The Single Witch’s To Do List.’ he writes across the top and looks at Alice, “Number one: Shag a random.”

Alice giggles and I start to protest. It’s going to be a long night…

*******************************************************************

I wake up in morning on my bathroom floor, head next to the toilet bowl. Standing up gingerly, I pad my way into the kitchen in search of a glass of water. Locating an empty glass, I fill it up from the sink and down it in one before grabbing another. 

Alice has commandeered the sofa and is sprawled across it and in contrast, Benjy is curled up on the armchair. Between them, on the floor is a slightly crumpled piece of parchment. As I go to retrieve, I remember the list we made and scanning it again I grin. 

The Single Witch’s To Do List – By Alice and Benjy

1\. Makeover your wardrobe (please, I beg you - A).  
2\. Buy something extravagant just for you.  
3\. Contact your first crush.  
4\. Do something the knob would hate.  
5\. Break the law.  
6\. Write a letter to the knob.  
7\. Sneak into Hogsmeade.  
8\. Do something that terrifies you.  
9\. Learn to duel.  
10\. Get a date for Petunia’s wedding.

Giggling, I put it down on the table before trying to tie back my curtain of hair. As I tie it I can feel it tickling my waist and suddenly, I am incredibly annoyed by it. In a fit of pique I walk to the cupboard and begin rummaging through the cutlery, waking Alice in the process.

“Hey Lils, what are you…. AAAAAH!” She screams suddenly as I find the kitchen scissors, flip my hair over my shoulder and quickly slice through it so it is just above shoulder length. 

Benjy wakes up at Alice’s shriek, “Alice, why in Merlin’s name did you scream?” 

He looks at me and my unevenly cut hair, clutching about 10 inches and a pair of scissors in my hands. 

“Lily, put the scissors down.” He says calmly and walks towards me, hands outstretched like you would calm a frightened horse.

He takes the scissors out of my hands and throws my hair in the bin. Alice is still openmouthed as I pick up the list. 

“Number 4: Do something the knob would hate.” I recite, “He always loved my hair being long.”

“We’re taking it seriously then?” Benjy asks and I nod quickly, “Okay then. Alice, you clean up here; Lily we’re going to the hairdressers.”

He takes my hand and apparates to a busy street in London before dragging my inside. Quickly, he walks to the receptionist’s desk and asks for Dale.

“Oi, Benjy, I’m on my….” Dale groans as the receptionist fetches him, “…Merlin. What did you do?”

He picks up a lock of my hair and turns to Benjy, “How long was it?”

“Just past her waist,” Benjy replies, “She did it with kitchen scissors.”

Dale’s eyes widen in horror before he takes a deep breath, “Bad breakup, sweetie?”

Before I can answer, I’m whisked away to a chair and a gown is thrown on me. Benjy and Dale chatter about cuts and colours whilst flirting wildly. Instead of listening I tune out, enjoying the feeling of rebellion. My hair is washed and blow-dried and at some point Benjy leaves and comes back with a bacon sandwich to help my hangover. I call him an angel. As I finish munching it, Dale directs me to look in the mirror.

“What do you think, darlin’?” He asks and I gaze in the reflection. 

I’m now the owner of a pin straight chin length bob, which is slightly higher at the nape of my neck and curves underneath my chin at the front. There’s a soft, full fringe that sweeps my forehead and flicks sexily in my eyes but the colour is still a bright, true red.

“It’s beautiful.” I whisper and lean closer in the mirror, eyes wide. My hair feels light and fresh; the horrible weight of the curtains I had before gone. 

I turn to face Dale, “Thank you so much.” 

He winks at me before smiling widely, “He’s a fool to break up with a girl as pretty as you.” 

I hand over my gold and look at Benjy, “Thanks Benjy, you’re a lifesaver.” 

“Well, to pay me back, I want to take you shopping.” He tells me and my eyes light up. As we pass shop windows, I keep glancing at my hair. It needs pretty clothes.

“Now Lily, follow me…” He laughs and I enter a shop that’s tucked down a back alley.

“Jenny!” Benjy hollers and a young woman comes rushing out from behind, “Fashion emergency.”

“Benjy Fenwick, you gave me a fright.” Jenny admonishes, “And who is this lovely young lady?”

“This is Lily. She needs a whole new wardrobe.” Benjy winks at me and I nod. 

In a flash, I’m whisked into a changing room, Benjy a safe distance away, and Jenny, who could easily be my new best friend now, is showering me with clothes. 

Dark blue bell bottom jeans paired with halter neck tops. The once hated hotpants in shiny gold lycra. Mini skirts and midi skirts in bright greens and blues. Denim jackets with patches and badges sewn on. Even a ra-ra dress in bottle-green. I’m a world away from my ripped jeans and black smock tops. Each time I felt worried, I took a peek at my short bob in the mirror. As quickly as it began, it is over except now I own a rainbow of fabric, each one more appealing than the last. On the spur of the moment I throw my arms around Jenny and she laughs before gently handing me my bags. We step outside and I whirl back to my flat.

“Merlin, Lily, your hair!” Alice shrieks, “It’s bloody gorgeous.” 

“Isn’t it?” I grin.

Benjy arrives with the rest of my bags and we carry them through to the wardrobe. As I open the doors, I feel a sudden hatred for all things black and ripped.

“It has to go.” I mutter.

“Lily, are you sure you want to do that?” Benjy warns but I am a woman on a mission. I am unstoppable. 

“It all has to go.” I tell him and fetch a roll of black bin bags. 

Each shapeless top and worn out pair of jeans is demoted to the bottom of the bin bag. Alice cackles with each bag taken out to the wheelie bin. After half an hour, my school trunk is only filled with my new haircut clothes and as I shut the door I sigh in relief. 

A shout comes from the kitchen, “Lily, you haven’t opened any of this post.”

I walk through the house, now changed into a cute shift dress and take the large stack of post. There are a couple of bills I need to pay, a few letters from Frank and two from Remus. I mentally note to apologise to him for not answering. Searching through the pile, I find a letter from Hogwarts. I’d already purchased my schoolbooks and such via Owl order. Opening the letter, I suddenly found a heavy metal badge in my hand.

Merlin. 

“Lily, is that…” Alice’s eyes widen in surprise, “Benjy, come here now.”

For a moment we all stare at the shiny pin that says ‘Head Girl’.

“What about Catchlove?” Alice demands of us, “I though she was a dead cert.”

“Dumbledore’s gone mad…” I begin to shake, “I can’t possibly be Head Girl. It’s a mistake.” 

We all look around the flat.

“Pub?” Benjy suggests.

“Pub.” We agree. Alcohol is the only way to deal with problems like these. 

*******************************************************************

“Lily.” A hand starts to shake me, “Lily! Get your arse out of bed!” 

“Alice? What the… it’s seven in the morning.” I groan, “Oh my god, my head…”

It feels like there are miniature goblins running round in my head, stomping in steel-capped boots. The sun is blinding and the smell of toast, which wafts through the room, makes me feel sick.

“We’re leaving in an hour, Lils!” 

“What? Where?” I ask, confused. 

“Hogwarts, you numpty.” She throws back my duvet and I wince at the sudden cold draft.

A wave of nausea hits me and I stumble to the bathroom and hang my head over the toilet for a few minutes until I feel less queasy. Turning the shower on as hot as I can stand it, I let the needles of hot water soak my skin, praying that it somehow eases my pounding head. Feeling a little better, I return to my room but the sound of the hairdryer negates my good work so far. By ten to seven I manage to grab my trunk and drag it to the door, wincing as the wheels squeaked on the lino, before locking up my flat and apparating with Alice to Benjy’s house. 

“Benjy?” I whisper, unable to take any more noise, “You look as bad as I feel.”

He gives me two fingers silently before grabbing his trunk and we whirl off to a phone box near Kings Cross one by one.

“I’m assuming we went a bit too far with the butterbeers…” I ask Alice who starts to cackle.

“Yeah, you might say that. Luckily, I knew when to stop and haul your arses off to bed!” Alice winks at us both as Benjy and I groan in pain when a car horn honks, “Have fun with the first years, Head Girl!” 

Stepping into the station is excruciatingly painful. Luckily, the sun is fairly bright so I can get away with wearing my sunglasses indoors. Unfortunately, nothing can block out the squeals of small children and as we cross through the brick wall the noise increases. I stop for a moment and lean against the wall to try and stop the ground from spinning. It’s the perfect day for a hangover. 

“I think I might die…” I hear Benjy whimper and looking at the clock, make the gargantuan effort required to levitate my trunk into the luggage cart. 

“Oh, this is hilarious…” Alice is creased with laughter as I glare at her from underneath my sunglasses. 

“Shut up you witch,” I whisper, “You don’t have to deal with Catchlove.”

Just like that, Alice stops laughing and gives me a sympathetic look before helping me board the train with about two minutes to spare. As we search for a compartment, I feel more and more achy. 

“Alice, I don’t care if we have to sit with Snape, just please let me sit down somewhere.” Benjy begs and huffing in response, Alice peers into the next compartment. 

“It’ll have to do.” She sighs, “Hello boys.” 

I close my eyes and crash into the nearest seat, willing myself not to burst into tears or throw up. Unfortunately, it looks like sleep is going to be impossible on a moving train but at least I’ll give it the ol’ Hogwarts try.

“Lily…?”

Or not. Cracking open an eyelid, the face of Remus Lupin swims into vision. 

“Of all the compartments, you had to pick theirs?” I mumbled and Alice rolls her eyes.

“I know where a certain seventh year Ravenclaw girl is sitting if that’s any better?” Alice spits back at me and I roll my eyes at her. If only she could see beneath these sunglasses. 

“It’s rude to wear sunglasses indoors, Lily.” She continues and I resist the urge to swear at her.

Slowly I take the sunglasses off and slide them into my bag, eyes blinking as the sun hits them. The pounding only increases. 

“Merlin Lily, you look like shit.” Remus stares at me, “Are you ill?”

“Try bloody hung-over.” Frowns Benjy from across the compartment before leaning his head back and closing his eyes. 

“But your hair? It’s gone.” Chimes in Pettigrew. 

“I cut my hair. I bought new clothes. I got drunk. Big deal.” Placing a hand on my head to try and cool it, I sweep my fringe from my eyes to see all four boys staring at me. 

“It looks good.” Potter ventures, looking slightly afraid.

“Really? Because Remus just told me I look like shit.” I look at Remus who steps back, slightly scared.

“No, I didn’t mean that, Lily, I meant to say….” He starts but Alice talks over him.

“Stop being so pissy, Lily, you know you look like shit. When I said ‘pub’ I didn’t mean drown your sorrows in firewhiskey. You don’t get sympathy.”

I take a deep breath and reach for a bottle of water from my bag.

“Drown your sorrows?” Remus repeats and all I can do is hold out my palm, ‘Head Girl’ badge lying in the centre. 

“You mean Greta didn’t…” He breathed and I shook my head, “But Lils, that’s fantastic.” 

“Really, you want to go and tell Greta Catchlove?” I ask him and a smile pulls traitorously at his lips.

“Greta will be fine with it.” Potter tells me and I shoot him a look, wincing in pain at the sharp movement.

“Yes. Because she’s the epitome of reasonableness.” I snap back at him, “It’s different if you’re seeing her, I guess.”

“I’m seeing her.” He responds evenly, “Who told you that?”

“Common knowledge.” I answer icily.

He runs his fingers through his hair, “Right, what if I am?”

“What if you are?” I stare at him, confused by the turn in conversation. 

“Anyway, you can’t talk… all shacked up with Aubrey. You’re Hogwarts’ very own golden couple, aren’t you? Making the rest of us singletons feel woefully inadequate.” Black interjects and I swallow when he mentions Bertram’s name. 

“Well, I guess you don’t need to worry about that any more.” I mutter to myself but apparently Black has very good hearing.

“Why, did he dump you or something?” He laughs and the rest of the boys join in, not noticing Alice’s death glare. 

Benjy is blissfully asleep. 

“Yes.” I say simply and all laughter stops. I stare out of the window, wondering if we’ll ever get to Hogwarts. 

I turn back to the compartment when Pettigrew squeaks loudly. Remus’ mouth is open along with Potter’s and Black’s whereas Pettigrew has his hand clapped over his mouth. Alice’s is making ‘death’ motions with her hands across her neck but I merely sigh. I guess I’m going to have to get used to it. 

“Are you Head Boy, Remus?” I change the subject, “Only I couldn’t bear it if it were Snape or Bertram since I would cheerfully jinx them to the hospital wing and I can’t see Tilden getting it since he’s starting that huge Herbology project this year… Please say yes?”

“I’m sorry, Lily.” Remus tries to calm me but I let out a whimper.

“Oh god, it’s going to be Bertram.” Alice grits her teeth angrily, “If you’d just have let me kill him last year we wouldn’t have an issue.”

“Lily, it’s not Aubrey.” Potter joins in the conversation and I look at Remus in sheer panic.

“Dumbledore wouldn’t, would he?” I whisper, “I mean, Snape? He’d probably take the first chance to off me.”

Remus pats my leg gently as everyone in the carriage stiffens aside from Benjy, who just slumbers on. 

“It’s not Snape, it’s…” Potter begins but I cut across him.

“Toots? But that makes no sense.” I start to ramble.

“Me.” Finishes Potter.

Suddenly a wave of nausea hits me and I rush from the carriage to the toilet which is handily just across the hall. Retching into the bowl, I take a few minutes as the nausea finally begins to wane. I shove my head under the tap to drink, ignoring how disgusting it is to drink from the toilet taps, before splashing my face a little and taking a deep breath.

Lily Evans and James Potter. Head Boy and Head Girl. Slowly, I make my way back to the compartment where Potter looks upset. Alice, Black and Pettigrew are laughing whilst Remus is looking between us sympathetically. Benjy just looks comfortable whilst snoring gently. In a fit of pique I nudge him harshly.

“…Hpmf… What did I miss?” He asks quickly.

“I’m Head Girl and Potter’s Head Boy.” I tell him. 

“Well, he’s not Snape.” Benjy offers and Potter groans audibly.

“I suppose we have to go to the Prefect Meeting?” I ask and both Potter and Remus get up, “Have you been to a Prefect meeting before, Potter?”

“Well, no.” Potter replies.

“Welcome to the most boring fifteen minutes of your life.” I intone and Remus stifles a chuckle, “Come on, we can’t be late.”

I stand up a bit too quickly and sway slightly. Luckily, Potter leaps forwards and steadies me. I flash him a quick grimace.

“Cheers.” I mumble, before yanking the door open. 

“So, Lily, we haven’t really talked in a while. I’m really glad that it’s you who’s the Head Girl. I need someone who’s, you know, responsible and calm.” Potter rambles on as the three of us start up the corridor. 

I look to Remus in horror. Did he just call me calm and responsible? I was the one hung-over for the Prefect Meeting. I was the one who had cut off my hair with kitchen scissors. Did he not remember fifth-year, under the tree with Snape? Remus looked back at me incredulously before mouthing, ‘I tried to tell him.”

Bloody hell, James Potter was in for a huge shock.

“Lillian, darling!” Greta Catchlove is waiting outside the door, “You won’t believe the news!” 

“Hi Greta, did you have a nice holiday?” I aim for a smile but it doesn’t quite reach my eyes.

“Lillian. What in Merlin’s name have you done to your hair?” Greta starts, “Honestly, if you were thinking of a haircut I could have given you a name. He does such a beautiful blonde colour.”

“Oh, you don’t like it?” I ask.

“Well, it’s perfectly charming dear but ever so brave, I don’t think I myself would have the courage.” Greta patronises, “If you ever want to go blonde though…”

“Good thing I’m a Gryffindor then.” I tell her, “Your holiday?”

“Oh it was quite wonderful; we holidayed in Barbados and I met the most wonderful boy…” She winked at the boys, “Lillian, it was perfectly romantic. 

My heart dropped in my chest as Greta began gabbling about this wonderful boy she met. ‘Tall, dark and handsome’ apparently, she should just come out and say Potter. As if the fact Potter is bright red hasn’t given it away. 

When I can’t listen anymore, I cut across her, “You mentioned some news?”

“Goodness, I was swept away by love.” Greta proclaimed and behind her, I caught sight of Remus pretending to throw up, “I never got my owl for Head Girl.”

“About that, Greta…” I started but she carried on regardless.

“I bet it’s that Hufflepuff girl. She didn’t do half as much as I did. Of course, she did more that you, Lillian, but still! Anyway, we mustn’t be late.” With her closing insult, Greta swept into the carriage and I leant against the wall, head touching the cool wood of the doorframe.

“Remus, do you want to be Head Girl?” I ask piteously, “Clearly you’d do a better job than me.”

“I would, but I’m lacking the necessary requirements and at least Greta knows your name. I’m Gryffindor boy, I imagine.” Remus leans next to me. 

From the corner of my eye, I can see Potter tugging at his hair, clearly nervous. He keeps casting a worried look at me and I catch his eye. He looks away guiltily and I summon up the courage to stand up. 

“Potter, would you please calm yourself, you’ll be fine.” I tell him. 

“If you’re nervous, then imagine how I’m feeling!” He snaps back at me and I stand up straight before taking a deep, cleansing breath.

“This is a prefects meeting. We walk in, introduce everyone, you’ll crack some smart-arse joke and I’ll tell people when the next meeting is. It isn’t a meeting with a bunch of dementors. You were born to do stuff like this. It’s not a big deal.” I telepathically slap him but he shows no reaction. 

“Oh yeah, why are you nervous?” He retorts.

“Because last time I saw Bertram, Frank Longbottom had lamped him one.” I reach into my pocket to retrieve the Head Girl’s badge, “and Catchlove is going to kill me once she knows I’m Head Girl. Oh, and I’m bloody hung-over.”

“Right,” Potter mutters, “Right, I forgot.”

Remus looks at me pityingly, “Come on then. Time to face the music.”

Potter gives his hair one last tug before walking to the door. He opens it quickly and strides in, a smirk playing on his lips as Remus and I follow in his wake. As we enter, Greta gestures to me but I duck my head and stand next to Potter.

“Hey, guys, if you don’t know me I’m James and this is Lily. We’ll be the Head Students this year. Now I may not be the most likely candidate around…”

He pauses here and most of the room giggles nervously. I studiously avoid Greta, Bertram and Severus’ gazes, instead turning to face Potter.

“I think we all agree there, Potter.” I smile at him before turning to face the new prefects, who are huddled in the corner, “This is just to introduce us to you. We’ll be having a meeting at some point this first week where we’ll explain about duties and so on. If you have any problems or worries, you can come to either of us and we’ll do our best to help you out.”

“Honestly, we’re not as scary as we look.” Potter grins and the whole roomful of prefects automatically bends to his will, giving him an open smile with the exception of Severus.

As I cough slightly to draw their attention, I notice the majority of the Slytherins are distinctly less open with me. It seems that even at Hogwarts being a pureblood went a long way. Add to that Greta and Bertram and a good half of the prefects were scowling at me.

“If there’s nothing else, we need to patrol the corridors of the train. If everyone could just partner their house and year partner…” I tail off, waiting for the glances across the room and nodding heads, “Brilliant, we’ll see you all next week then!”

As they walk to the door, I catch a few whispers of ‘a muggleborn, really?’ and even a ‘Mudblood’. Bertram scuttles out as fast as possible, his nose looking decidedly crooked. I see Greta approach but Potter cuts her off. 

Just as I was sighing in relief, I hear a voice say, “Lily?”

Turning automatically, I step back in shock at the appearance of Severus. 

“Lily, you can’t be serious.” He asks me in a low whisper, “Why do you insist on being a target?”

I roll my eyes, “For goodness’ sake, Sev, you can’t still be jealous of Potter.”

His eyes narrow and out of the corner of my eye I notice Remus edge closer, “This isn’t about Potter, this is about you. You can’t do this, Lily, you’re not Head Girl material. Look over there.”

I follow his eyeline and see James and Greta laughing together, his arm around her shoulder. They make a striking couple, her honey-blonde hair flicking over his shoulder and his face tilted down to look at her. 

“There’s never been a muggleborn Head Girl before. I just… I don’t want to see you hurt Lily.” Snape puts his arm out pleadingly and for a second I glimpse a little of my old best friend.

His words resonate and I bristle indignantly, shaking his arm away, “You’ve changed your tune. I remember a boy telling me coming from the muggle world didn't matter. You should be patrolling.” 

He walks away quickly, head cast down and my vision swims slightly as another wave of nausea hits me. 

“Oh Lillian, darling.” Greta calls and I feel a hand on my shoulder, “James tells me I may have been a tad insensitive before.” 

I glare over at James, who is talking to Remus quietly.

“If I had known about you and Bertram, I would never have mentioned the beach, and the waterfall, and the midnight walks.” She grips my arm tighter.

“I never thought for a moment that you would be Head Girl, you know, considering your… ahem… background. I suppose having a bob is “in” in the muggle world. You know, I have a whole bundle of Witch Weekly magazines in my trunk that you could study… perhaps Bertram might understand you better then.”

Neither of the boys catch this remark and I let out a deep breath, praying that my temper holds.

“After all, you’ll be a perfectly adequate Head Girl…” She muses and my red-headed temper takes over. 

“You know what, Greta, HAVE THE BLOODY BADGE!” I yell and both Remus and James look over at me startled, “Clearly, I can’t hold a candle to the great Great Catchlove. I am sick of your publications, which, by the way, are stupid, and your condescending little snide comments. I lost my boyfriend because I’m not pretty enough, big FLIPPING DEAL!”

I rip the badge from my robes and throw it at her feet. 

“If being a Head Girl means reading Witch Weekly instead of Transfiguration Today and being a vacuous empty-headed COW then be my guest!”

Greta is scrabbling on the floor, searching for the badge as I turn on my heel and walk out of the compartment. I walk a few steps before slumping down against the wall. The compartment door bangs and I turn my head back.

“What the fuck was that?” Potter asks angrily, “You didn’t need to scream at her like that.”

“Oh, go comfort the Head Girl.” I turn back to face the floor. 

“You’re supposed to be collected and serene, you’re the bloody Head Girl.” He steps closer and I scramble up to face him. I can feel the train slowing, “You’re Lily Evans!”

“You don’t know a thing about me, Potter. The last time you spoke to me was two years ago so don’t you dare judge me!” I step closer to him, “Whomever this Lily Evans is you’re talking about, I’d love to meet her. She sounds nothing like me!” 

He takes a step back, his face shocked by my outburst. 

“Now go and find the Head Girl because she sure as hell isn’t in this corridor.” I snarl at him, “Go find your girlfriend.”   
I leave him stood there, mouth hanging open and find my way to the nearest toilet before locking myself in and having a good cry. 

Note to self: Never drink firewhiskey again.


	3. The Sorting Hat Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An eventful train ride turns into an eventful Sorting Ceremony... who would have guessed?

Being a well-adjusted witch, I didn’t spend a long time in the toilet. After all, it’s not a very classy place to be. Five minutes of depressing snivelling and I feel so much better, especially when I find a spare chocolate frog in my robe pocket. I carefully sneak out to the corridor and dart into the now-empty Prefect’s carriage. Sitting on the cosy seat, I blush at the way I lost my temper.

I’ve always had issues with my temper; it wasn’t easy growing up with Petunia as a sister. Oddly enough, I inherited my red hair from Grandfather Evans but my temper is solely my mother’s. I still feel a pang of sadness recollecting her but I’ve never been one to remember them though rose-tinted glasses. My mum and I used to have horrendous arguments but at least neither of us held grudges like Petunia and my Dad did. 

To be honest, it’s just another reason why I would make a terrible Head Girl. I mean it made me turn to alcohol! On this thought, I remember exactly how much my head is hurting. Suddenly, the upholstering of the seat looks unbearably comfy and I find my head sinking back onto it. Just a few minutes and then I’ll patrol….

***********************************************

“Miss, you really should get off the train.” 

I start at the voice and blink rapidly, trying to clear the sleep from my eyes. It’s the lady from the trolley. 

“How… I just… Oh my goodness!” I shriek and leap up, “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“I’m sure you didn’t, honey, but you need to get off now. I have to close the train up.” She tells me kindly and I smile before sprinting to the platform.

As I get off the train, there is no one around. It’s really rather eerie. Fortunately it’s not raining but it’s a lot colder than London and I left my coat in my trunk. Hastily, I cast a warming charm but it isn’t the same as being in the castle, eating roast potatoes and drinking hot chocolate at the feast.

The feast. The Sorting Ceremony. Oops. 

Resigned to missing one of my favourite parts of Hogwarts, I begin the long trudge up the hill to the castle. As I wander up the path, I’m struck by how lovely the walk is. I’ve always quite liked being outside, as long as I have a hot shower afterwards. Nearing the entrance hall, idly I wonder if Alice or Benjy would have picked up my bag. I’m about to turn to go to Gryffindor Tower until the feast is over but a gaggle of tiny children block my path. 

First Years.

The majority of them are pale and nervous-looking; one girl is positively green. With my wand grasped loosely in my hand, they all looked terrified I might hex them. Thinking back, I remember being told I was going to have to battle a dragon in order to be sorted. 

“Hello there. I’m Lily.” I smile but they all look nervous, “Are you ready to be sorted?”

The green girl bursts into tears. Instantly I crouch down and pull her in for a hug. She sniffles loudly into my cloak. 

“I don’t want to be sorted.” She cries, “They… they… they said we were going to duel each other.”

A couple of other girls break into tears and even a few boys start to tremble.

“And who told you that?” I ask, dreading the answer.

“He was a really tall boy with a blue and bronze tie.” She whispers and I smile inwardly. At least it wasn’t Sirius. 

“He’s my cousin.” Pipes up one tiny boy, “Bertram.”

“Bertram Aubrey.” I check, already knowing the answer.

As the boy nods and bites his lip, I turn to the young girl, “And what’s your name?”

“I’m Emma.” 

“Well, Emma, I’ve been sorted. Can you keep a secret?” I ask her and smile broadly. 

She nods, watery-eyed.

“You have to be really, really good at keeping secrets.” I say and everyone leans closer, “But you all look like a good bunch so I’ll let you in on it…”

A good half of them are smiling but they’re still a little apprehensive.

“Professor McGonagall is going to come and get you… she’ll lead you down a big hall… and then… at the very end… there is…” I pause dramatically and they are all shaking.

“… a hat!” I finish and they all lean out, shocked.”

“A hat?” The boy asks, “That’s it.”

“Oh, Bertram’s cousin,” I smile, “This is much worse than a dragon, or even a duel, because this hat sings.”

They begin to giggle and little Emma finally lets go of me. 

“Oh you can laugh, but have you ever heard a hat sing? It’s horrendous, it’s painful!” I carry on through the laughter, “Why you ask? Well it doesn’t have ears!”

There are genuine smiles on their faces and colour has returned to their cheeks. 

“You don’t believe me?” I ask, “Me? Lily Evans? Why I’m as trustworthy as they come! It sounds like this…”

All of the children are openly laughing, little Emma practically crying with mirth, as I sing the Hogwarts song out of tune in an extremely deep, scratchy voice. 

“…young with scabby knees…” 

“Miss Evans!” I hear a shout and turn, “What on earth is going on here?” 

Standing behind me are all four of the Marauders, Benjy, Alice, Bertram, Greta and Professor McGonagall. My eyes widen in shock as the nine of them walk down the corridor swiftly. 

“Miss Evans, I…” McGonagall stops in front of me, lost for words. 

Behind me, the children have grown silent. I can feel Emma pressed into my side. Figuring that I’m already in a huge amount of trouble, turn to face the first years. 

“Guys, meet Professor McGonagall. She’s head of my house, Gryffindor.” I beam at the children, “Do any of you want to be in Gryffindor?”

A couple of shouts of ‘me’ pop up and I look down at Emma, who’s nodding.

“So you want to be a lion, Emma?” I ruffle her hair, “Better wipe away those tears then.”

“My da says I’ll be in Hufflepuff but I don’t want to be.” She tells me shyly.

“Hufflepuff’s a great house though.” I reply but she shakes her head.

“No, you see, I don’t look good in yellow…” She blinks her huge eyes at me and I stifle a giggle. 

“Of course, well remember what I said, it’s a secret.” I wink and a chorus of twenty voices assure that they won’t tell. 

“If I could steal you away from your new friends, Miss Evans.” McGonagall interjects icily.

“Good luck!” I wave to the first years and they wave back, looking much happier and beginning to chat amongst themselves.

McGonagall ushers me and the extra unnecessary eight people around the corner to an empty classroom. 

“Miss Evans, you have been missing for over half an hour. The situation has become quite ridiculous. It seems Miss Catchlove kindly raised the alarm, accompanied by Mr Aubrey and Mr Potter.” She sighed quite heavily, “From there, I seem to have acquired the rest of Mr Potter’s rag-tag band as well as Miss Hamilton and Mr Fenwick.”

“Believe me, I’m not here by choice.” Benjy grumbles and Alice hits him silently. 

“Well, Professor, I… um… fell asleep on the train.” I blush.

McGonagall grimaces, “Well, since our ‘near–fatal’ situation as been resolved, I shall allow you to make your way to the Great Hall.”

She sweeps out of the room and, in the ensuing silence, I ready myself for the inevitable.

“Lils, that was absolutely hilarious.” Alice crows and Benjy bursts into laughter besides her, “You are a terrible singer.”

“I was being terrible on purpose,” I defend, “Besides I know it’s you who told her it was a near-fatal situation. I only fell asleep on the sodding train, you numpty.”

“I was trying to get you another detention…” Alice giggles and a smile creeps onto my face, “This ended so much better!”

“Well it’s Bertram’s fault.” I shoot a dirty look, “Who tells little kids they have to duel each other?” 

“Oh stop being boring, Lily, it was just a bit of fun.” He bites back and I fold my arms.

“Yeah, I had five eleven year old girls crying on me. It was a hoot.” I spit at him.

“No need to be a bitch about it.” He raises his voice, “They’re obviously over-sensitive.” 

“Clearly, I mean it’s not as if there’s a gaggle of death eaters duelling people at the moment.” I raise mine to match and Alice moves to stand next to me. 

“Honestly, the propaganda in the Daily Prophet. If they think there are Death Eaters at Hogwarts, they’re seriously deluded!” His voice carries across the room and everyone’s eyes widen.

“How many times have you been called a Mudblood today?” I answer quietly and there’s a gasp of horror. 

“Lils, who’s been calling you a you-know-what?” Benjy asks quickly, “You know that…”

“Honestly, people would think that you are the first years. To the Great Hall now, if you please.” McGonagall enters the room and shoos us all into the corridor. The little first years all wave at us and I wave back, trying to remain cheerful. 

“Professor Flitwick, if you could take the first years in. Miss Evans and I need to have a little chat about proper sleeping arrangements and near-fatal situations.” She crisply waves on Flitwick before propelling me up the stairs to her office. I cast a backwards glance at Alice who, for once, looks relatively sombre.

“Sit down, Lily.”

I sit down gingerly awaiting the punishment.

“Biscuit?” 

“Erm, well, thank you Professor.” I pluck a biscuit from the tartan tin in surprise.

“Lily, I wanted to check you were okay.” McGonagall said in a much softer voice, “I know you lost your parents a few years ago and I also know that you and Aubrey are no longer together. Now, Lily, I have never spoken to a student like this before but these are very special circumstances.” 

My eyes are wide as saucers as McGonagall gently pats my hand.

“Lily, are you alright?”

Suddenly, I realise just how much I miss having a motherly figure in my life.

“Professor, I don’t want to be Head Girl. I really think Greta would do a much better job.”

McGonagall scoffs, “Miss Catchlove, that annoying little snippet? I couldn’t think of a worse Head Girl if I tried. Lily, do you imagine we teachers are stupid?”

“Of course not.” I mumble through a mouthful of biscuit. 

“Well then, I suggest you trust in our judgement. You will be an excellent Head Girl if your performance with the first years today is an indicator.”

“But I… I’m a…” I stutter.

“If you are about to refer to yourself as a muggleborn, Lily, I strongly suggest you do not. I happen to hold muggles in very high regard indeed. Do not use muggleborn as a derogatory term.”

Suddenly, her face takes on a mischievous quality and, for the first time since I woke up this morning, I feel happy. 

“Now, whilst I may agree with your description of Miss Catchlove,” McGonagall’s eyes twinkle, “I’m afraid that I cannot allow such outbursts in the future. Nor can I allow you to be late for school events. However, I was in love once too, Lily, so let us just put today behind us.” 

“But Professor…” I protest

“If you feel you ought to be punished, then I must insist you remain Head Girl.” McGonagall’s face took on a sterner look, “And Lily, it wouldn’t do for the students know I am not as stern as they think. I trust you can keep a secret?”

“Yes Professor.” I smile widely at her.

“Perhaps just one more biscuit?” She offers and we sit in a comfortable silence, eating homemade shortbread.

*****************************

Sneaking into the back of the Great Hall, I slide onto a bench with a bunch of second years.

“Hey Lily.” One of the girls smiles at me, “You’re late, you know?”

“Oh I know, Charity.” I grin sheepishly, “So does Professor McGonagall unfortunately.”

“Ooh, bad luck. We’re only on the G’s though so it’s not too bad…” She offers before turning back to her friends.

I don’t really pay much attention to the Sorting, primarily because my head is banging but also because I’m eavesdropping on Charity and her mates.

“Lily told me last year she thought it’d be Catchlove.” She whispers, “I know who I want it to be but Professors can be stupid sometimes.”

“Well, I heard that they’re giving Head Boy to Aubrey so Ravenclaw’s out. They never give it to the same house.” Her friend shakes her head wildly, “And who even is the Hufflepuff prefect?”

“It could be that Lucinda from Slytherin?” One of them offers.

“Don’t be daft. She’s a shoe-in for Quidditch Captain. You know she’s only the prefect because the rest of them lot are too… you know… dark. Lucy’s been waiting on Vanity leaving for the last five years. 

“It could still be Lily.” Charity talks even quieter but luckily my hearing’s pretty good. With Remus and I on patrols together we can catch pretty much anyone.

“Right, Charity.” One scoffs, “They’re going to pick the prefect who’s late to the Sorting Ceremony. Lily was right; it has to be Catchlove.”

“I really wish…” Charity starts but my attention is drawn by Flitwick’s squeaky shout of ‘Emma Mockridge’.

She tries on the hat, still green but looking very determined. It takes a good thirty seconds until it shouts out ‘Gryffindor’ and I applaud wildly, seriously wondering how the crying girl managed to get into the house of bravery. 

Looking back the second years, they’re now discussing the Hogwarts holiday gossip. Catching my eye, Charity clears her throat. 

“I know that it’s a bit personal but is it true?” She whispers as another Hufflepuff is sorted.

“Is what true?” I ask distracted.

“About you and Bertram? Did you break up?” She turns her big eyes on me and I’m half-tempted to snap at her but I can’t.

Last year, Charity was a very shy first year that got teased a lot. Someone started a rumour that her parents, who are relatively rich purebloods, were big supporters of Voldemort and the rest of her dormitory shunned her. We became friends when I found her sleeping in the common room last year. She’s an absolute sweetheart; she wouldn’t hurt a fly. I helped dispel the ridiculous rumour and since then we’ve been as good friends as an 11 year old and 17 year old can be at a place like Hogwarts. She’s not the brightest witch or the hardest working either but she’s so bloody cute that I can never be angry, even if I catch her out-of-bounds at night. This time is no exception.

“Yeah, we broke up at the end of last term.” I tell her and she scoots over immediately to give me a huge hug.

“Oh, Lily, I’m so sorry. I thought it was another rumour…” She apologises as the last first year is sorted into Ravenclaw. 

The other second years cluster around me, one offering me a blood-flavoured lollipop and another complimenting my hair. It’s a strange sensation since I’m used to mothering these particular kids. I have to stop a giggle and I try to look solemn as they ‘comfort’ me. 

As they slide back down the bench, I vaguely hear Dumbledore start the many announcements that Filch seems to hand down at the beginning of term. 

“Finally, I ask that you join me all in applauding our new Head Girl and Head Boy, Miss Lily Evans and Mr James Potter. I am certain they will do a most remarkable job.” Dumbledore smiles benignly at me followed by Potter.

The clapping subsides and, as Dumbledore waves his hands, food appears in front of us. I catch the waving hand of Alice out of the corner of my eye and I pretend to ignore her but one of Charity’s friends ruins my subterfuge.

“Lily, that girl is waving to you.” She tells me and all but shoves me off the bench as Charity leans in and whispers excitedly to her friends, looking at me every ten seconds or so.

I traipse down the table, people wishing me luck and congratulating me as I turn a bright red colour, matching my hair. At long last I slink in next to Alice with Sirius opposite me. 

“Cheers Alice. Now everyone is staring.” I mutter with my head ducked slightly to avoid the gazes of my peers.

“Thought you handed in the badge.” Black asks nonchalantly, his mouth full of food.

“Apparently being Head Girl is my punishment for calling Greta a cow.” I grumble.

“They’re really scraping the bottom of the barrel if they’re forcing you to be Head Girl.” Alice answers brightly.

Benjy sniggers and in response I snatch his bread from his plate, “I know. Charity and her mates were talking about it. Lucy will be Quidditch Captain now Vanity’s gone and they won’t have Greta so it has to be me.”

“What about the Hufflepuff one?” Pettigrew asks and Benjy, sat beside him, frowns in thought.

“Who even is the Hufflepuff prefect?” He asks me and I look at Remus hopefully but I’m rewarded with a blank look.

“I’ll talk to Tilden… He can find out for us.” I tell Potter who nods in agreement. 

The boys start up an argument about Quidditch and Lucinda Talkalot, which Alice joins with relish. Benjy and I simply carry on eating, fortunately my headache was subsiding now thanks to the copious amounts of pumpkin juice I was consuming. 

“She’s such a Slytherslag.” Alice scoffs and I look at her balefully. 

“Alice. Just because she dated Frank doesn’t mean she’s a slag. And why should house come into it at all?” I admonish and she nods gracefully.

“Fine, she’s such a slag.” She says pointedly and I roll my eyes and focus on the treacle tart in front of me. 

I lay my fork down, leaving the last few mouthfuls of tart and look over to Professor Dumbledore. He nods to me and looks over at Potter. I follow his gaze and see him nervously pushing jam pudding around his plate. Inwardly sighing, I pick up my fork again and use it to tap his plate.

“Potter, it’s rude to play with your food,” I joke lightly, “All we’re going to do is escort the first years to the dormitory. You remember first year, right?” 

“What if they run away, or start a rebellion or something?” He looks at me, “I’m not cut out for this responsibility malarkey.” 

“Malarkey?” I stifle a giggle as he looks so earnest, “It’s ten first years who haven’t even learnt magic yet, they’re more likely to be homesick than ‘start a rebellion’. Plus there are seven Gryffindor prefects to help. We can stave off any attacks, I promise, even if the next Sirius Black is there.”

He looks slightly calmer and I mentally pray that he manages to regain his sanity before the first prefect meeting. I look back to Dumbledore and he seems to smile a little brighter before standing up and tapping his glass with his fork.

“I do believe it is time for bed. If you could all wait for the first years to leave so the prefects can escort them to the common rooms, that would be wonderful.” Dumbledore yawns widely, his hand covering his mouth. He seems to pause for a moment and his gaze wavers on the new first years before he shakes his head slightly. Before he can move too far, I quickly dart up to the high table.

“Professor, do you have the passwords?” I inquire, safe in the knowledge that Potter wouldn’t even think to ask.

In response, Dumbledore searches for a spare piece of parchment in his robes before thinking for a moment and tapping it with his wand. A golden lettering curls across the parchment before flashing a bright purple.

“It wasn’t the moment for a song, was it Miss Evans?” He ponders almost sadly, “Goodnight, my dear.” 

I smile my goodnight to him before turning and returning to the table. As I walk, I quickly try to memorise the passwords written down and then pass the paper to Potter.

“Passwords.” I tell him succinctly.

“Didn’t even think of that.” He mutters dejectedly, “Good thing you’re organised, Lily.” 

I motion for him to follow me, certain that Remus, at least, will have the initiative to follow. I reach the group of Gryffindor prefects first. 

“You’ll have to hang on, I’m afraid.” I tell them before moving on to the Hufflepuffs.

“Can you go tell Slytherin their password?” I ask James, “The Ravenclaws have left already.”

He walks over to the Slytherin prefects and I hurry to where Tilden is stood waiting for the password.

“Congratulations Lily.” He winks at me, “I didn’t expect a double Gryffindor appointment. We all thought there would be a Ravenclaw in there.”

“You’re not wrong, I grimace, “I think a certain Ravenclaw thought that too. Look after the first years, yeah? The password’s Helga Hufflepuff apparently. Not very security conscious, are you?”

I look at Tilden who flashes a smile at my confused face, “I’ll explain it to you and Potter at the next prefect meeting. Speaking of Potter, I think he might need rescuing.”

“Merlin…” I breathe and wave at Tilden as he shouts for the first years.

I rush over to see Potter and Snape locking horns over something, “Problem?”

“Potter is an arrogant, insufferable...” Severus spits and I tug Potter away from him a little before cutting across his little rant.

“He also happens to be Head Boy, Severus, so if you could stop this petty argument and get on with your jobs that would be brilliant.” I step between them a little but neither of them back down, “The password is Prince of Enchanters.” 

Severus opens his mouth but before he and Potter can carry on with their sparring, Lucinda opens her mouth.

“Slytherin first years!” She bellows and I shoot her a look of gratitude before forcibly dragging Potter away. 

“But Lily, he said…” He starts but I don’t let him finish.

“Of course he said something,” I tell him, “He’s going to be incredibly bitter that you got Head Boy. Being made prefect over you was one of the best moments in his life. But there are ten new first years that need to go to bed and about 60 others students who are grumbling about being made to sit in the Great Hall. Sev isn’t worth it.”

By now we’ve reached Remus again, who has managed to gather the first years. Dear God, sometimes I could marry Remus Lupin. 

“Lily!” Comes a shriek and I look down at the assembled first years. 

“Hey guys!” I smile, “Welcome to Gryffindor. Ready to see the Common Room?” I start walking towards the door, first years surrounding me and asking me questions about staircases and moving portraits.

Behind me, I can hear Remus and Potter bringing up the rear, talking quietly to each other.

“Mate, it shouldn’t be me. I mean, I can’t do this, it should be you…” His voice drifts across the Entrance Hall but a small hand tugging on my robes distracts me. 

“Emma! Congratulations!” I tell the smiling girl, “What did the Hat say to you?” 

“It tried to put me Hufflepuff but I explained and explained and explained,” She told me fervently, “until it huffed and said I was too stubborn to be anything but Gryffindor.”

“Well done. You’ll love Gryffindor I’m sure.” I tell her before answering a question about the Bloody Baron who is floating towards us. 

As we the staircase begins to move, I glance over my shoulder at Potter and Remus again. I gesture to Dorcas, one of the new fifth year prefects, to take my place and drop back to the two of them. 

“I mean, she’s already got the first years eating out of her hand…” I hear him moan.

“Maybe if you actually talked to them they’d be eating out of your hand too.” I touch him arm lightly and he shivers a little. I pull my robes tighter around me, anticipating a draught of wind.

“Look. I’m not exactly the ideal Head Girl but we’ll just have to make the best of it. Using Remus as your therapist is good, “I wink at Remus who attempts to look affronted, “But the truth is you are the Head Boy. Alright, you don’t know about passwords and meetings but surely you remember what it’s like to be a first year? There are probably at least four Quidditch-obsessed boys who would love to chat to the Quidditch Captain…”

Potter takes a deep breath, “You’re right.” 

“Obviously.” I tilt my head towards the first years, “I always am.”

I turn to Remus, “I never thought I’d see James Potter insecure.” 

He laughs and pats my shoulder, “Neither did I.”

We finally ascend the staircase to the tower and I stay where I am, nodding at James to give the password.

“Devil’s Snare.” He tells the portrait and enters the common room. Slightly at a loss, he looks to me and I walk in front of the first years.

“This is our common room. You mustn’t tell anyone the password or bring any people from other houses up here. Your dormitories are up those stairs there, boys up that one and girls the other. All your belongings will be by your beds. Have a lovely first night and both James and I will be in the common room until ten o’clock if you have any problems.” I recite the facts and finish off with a cheery wave. 

As the first years start climbing the stairs, the rest of Gryffindor streams into the common room and begin wandering up the stairs to find their belongings and settle in. Unfortunately, I didn’t quite have that luxury. I wander over to the sofa by the fire and slump into the cushions as Potter walks over towards me.

“Why’d you call me James?” He asks as I close my eyes and savour the warmth.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I assumed you wanted the first years to call you James. You know, make you more approachable.” I tell him.

“Yeah, good idea.” He replies, sounding slightly downcast.

“Cheer up, you’ll be a brilliant Head Boy,” I lie to him, “I think we’ve done an alright job tonight.”

“Really?” He perks up slightly.

“Yes. Really.” I smile at him encouragingly before curling my feet onto the sofa. “Now let me enjoy my last few minutes of peace before…”

“Lily!” Comes a familiar shriek, “Look what we got you!”

Charity stands in front of me, a fairy cake with a candle stuck in it proffered in her hand. I force myself to fake a smile and give her a hug.

“That’s really sweet, Charity.” I say as she mutters a spell to make the candle burn.

“Apparently, muggles bake cakes in celebration so we thought you’d like this.” She squeals as I blow it out.

She frowns and relights it again.  
“They have a candle on them as well. Personally I think it’s a bit dangerous but…”

I blow out the candle and she relights it for the second time.

“Lily. Don’t be mean.” She pouts and I apologise and thank her again as she takes the cake away with her, candle still burning brightly.

“Not the brightest witch is he?” Potter remarks and I don’t have the energy to tell him off. 

“James!” Comes the next intruder to the fire and brace myself for the onslaught that is Sirius Black, “Catchlove’s searching for you. Something to do with the Ravenclaw password?”

“Right. Head boy duties.” He says brightly, “I’d better go sort it out. You stay and have a rest, Lily.” 

He trots out of the common room and I smirk to myself; it must be their code for snogging.

“Impressed, Evans? Overnight he’s become a responsible Head Boy.” Black flops down next to me and I snort in a very unladylike manner.

“Responsible, my arse. I know a code for snogging when I hear it.” I tell him.

“What? Why do you say that?” He asks in an injured tone.

I look at him with a smirk on my face, “Because Ravenclaw doesn’t have a password.”

For a second he looks puzzled but the conversation is ended by Benjy sitting on top of me. 

“You’re getting fat.” I tell him and he pinches my arm lightly, “… and mean.”

I shuffle along the sofa and curl into his side, all the while Black looking on. 

“You want to snuggle too?” Benjy asks jokingly but Black stares into space before getting up abruptly.

“Need to talk to Remus and Peter.” He says and stalks off to where Remus is sat.

“My roommates are crazy.” Benjy sighs, “I don’t get boys.”

I sigh, thinking of Bertram, “Me neither.”

We stay by the fire until ten o’clock, half-dozing. I know without asking that Alice is currently unpacking both her and my case, knowing that I can’t leave the common room until ten. Benjy, as a boy, has about three things to hang up so he’s perfectly happy to stay by the fire with me. Finally, the clock reaches ten and I kiss him on the cheek before heading upstairs, only stopping to change into my pyjamas before crashing out on my bed and falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note this work was inspired by reading the wonderful 'A Single Girl's To-Do List' by Lindsay Kelk. The concept of a 'single list' and any other similarities to the book belong to Ms Kelk and I in no way try to take credit for them.

**Author's Note:**

> Please note this work was inspired by reading the wonderful 'A Single Girl's To-Do List' by Lindsay Kelk. The concept of a 'single list' and any other similarities to the book belong to Ms Kelk and I in no way try to take credit for them.


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